plz talk dirty to me
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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