he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
