The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
