yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
