If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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