hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
