Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
