if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
