maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
