My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
