Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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