i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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