I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
