now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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