....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
