soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
