I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
