Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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