hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
