two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
