My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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