Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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