forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
