dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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