He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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