hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
