I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
