I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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