you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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