if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
