where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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