Say something about gay babies.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
