apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i love accidental penises.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
