now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
