those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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