Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
you have to choose: penises or morals?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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