I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
