my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
