so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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