i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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