Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
