I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
