my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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