I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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