Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
