I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Randomize
