beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
