Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
