I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
