i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
