hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
