Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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