Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
